Recently I was thanked after a play session with a relatively new play partner. As we sat in after care, he stated how difficult it was to express genuine, authentic feelings of gratitude and how odd that was given the context of what we had been doing.

On the ride home I realized that this was the first time anyone had thanked me for playing with them. Ever. I’ve been on the left side of the slash for several years now and no one had ever thanked me. The more I thought about it the more angry I became especially when I thought about the fact that I always make it a point to thank my bottoms. The fact that this had never been reciprocated didn’t occur to me until I felt the wave of gratitude created by being appreciated.

The funny thing about this is that I do it because it’s fun to hurt people. I don’t do it for the thanks. Again, I didn’t think about this until I did. I thought about how much money I have invested in fetish apparel. I thought about how much money I’ve sunk into really good quality toys. About how there are women who get paid hundreds of dollars an hour to do what I do for free. About the years of waist training that allow me to be able to comfortably function in a properly fitted corset. About the time I put into planning my dungeon attire. About how much consideration I put into the design of my manicure. About how long it takes to execute the design and on and on and on. Showing up to the dungeon looking like some sort of leather covered fetish treat doesn’t just happen.

I thought about it. A lot. And I got retroactively pissed.

Then I read a post on Fet about after care for tops and realized I had never thought about that either. It’s always all about the bottom all the time. Not once had a bottom asked me what my needs were.

I think there is this assumption that tops can take care of themselves and that if we need some thing of course we will ask because, well … because we’re tops, right? Yes, we are. We are not fetish dispensers. We are human and it sure as hell would be nice to be appreciated, thought of, and not taken for granted. Not always, not even most of the time, but at least once in a while. I don’t think that’s asking too much.



  1. furcissy · December 6

    That is interesting and unfortunate. I have only ever played with one person that I was not in a relationship with and I made sure to let her know how grateful I was. On the downside, I found it almost impossible to resist developing romantic feelings.

    You definitely deserve more appreciation from them 🙂

    Take care.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. dave94015 · December 8

    Reblogged this on dave94015 and commented:
    Subs should show their appreciation… for their dominants!


  3. dave94015 · December 8

    There’s a lot of time and work that goes into the role of a dominant that sub guys usually don’t see. Many take things for granted. I guess they have to be told with a bit of discipline…Especially when you’re not charging them for your work!

    Liked by 1 person

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